From Jabez1Chr4@aol.com Tue Mar 22 13:24:48 2005 Received: from catfur.mutualaid.org (catfur.mutualaid.org [64.27.25.168]) by locust.etext.org (8.12.9p2/8.12.9) with ESMTP id j2MJOlYJ019136; Tue, 22 Mar 2005 14:24:48 -0500 (EST) (envelope-from Jabez1Chr4@aol.com) Received: from localhost (catfur.mutualaid.org [64.27.25.168]) by catfur.mutualaid.org (Postfix) with ESMTP id 0B40244135B; Tue, 22 Mar 2005 11:24:48 -0800 (PST) Received: from catfur.mutualaid.org ([64.27.25.168]) by localhost (catfur.mutualaid.org [64.27.25.168]) (amavisd-new, port 10024) with LMTP id 58149-01-88; Tue, 22 Mar 2005 11:24:46 -0800 (PST) Received: from imo-m20.mx.aol.com (imo-m20.mx.aol.com [64.12.137.1]) by catfur.mutualaid.org (Postfix) with ESMTP id C5E3A44133A; Tue, 22 Mar 2005 11:24:45 -0800 (PST) Received: from Jabez1Chr4@aol.com by imo-m20.mx.aol.com (mail_out_v37_r3.8.) id o.127.58960148 (3699); Tue, 22 Mar 2005 14:24:37 -0500 (EST) From: Jabez1Chr4@aol.com Message-ID: <127.58960148.2f71caf4@aol.com> Date: Tue, 22 Mar 2005 14:24:36 EST Subject: AfroAmFemCrisis4Etext/, Religious.texts/Polyamory&/misc/TylerFile To: rita@locust.etext.org, www@etext.org MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="part1_127.58960148.2f71caf4_boundary" X-Mailer: Thunderbird - Mac OS X sub 207 X-Virus-Scanned: amavisd-new at mutualaid.org Status: O --part1_127.58960148.2f71caf4_boundary Content-Type: text/plain; charset="UTF-8" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Content-Language: en THE CRISIS IN THE BLACK FAMILY: EXTREMELY INDEPENDENT=20 SINGLE MOTHERS, ABSENT OR INADEQUATE MALES, and the PLIGHT OF THE SINGLE AFROAM WOMAN WHO WANTS TO MARRY. COPYRIGHT (c) JANUARY 14, 1995 All rights reserved. Copyright (c) 01/14/'95; 01/12/96; 3/15/'04 (Revised) This file, in its entirety, may be posted on or copied off of=20 computer networks like Internet or WWW by anyone so=20 inclined as long as it isn=E2=80=99t changed. By Lee Tyler P.O. Box 620763, SanDiego, CA 92162-0763 oldeservant8@excite.com Jabez1Chr4@aol.com CONTINUED Some suggest finding support groups (churches,=20 fellowships, 12 step etc.) to help the single parent cope,=20 and=20 for some that works so they can carry on a meaningful life. =20 Some find significant help from counselors. Some take=20 James Dobson's advice by single mothers finding acceptable=20 male role models for their sons, or by single fathers finding=20 acceptable female role models for their daughters. Some of=20 these role models can be found on a volunteer or token pay=20 basis through one's extended family, one's church, one's=20 support groups, local schools or etc. But these substitutes=20 lack the sense of permanent commitment, "I'm here for you=20 for life", that real parents can give. =20 There is another substitute, another option. Two single moms=20 who also are the best and dearest of friends (Women are so=20 much better than men at building successful relationships!) =20 decide to join forces and households , having realized that=20 they will probably be a part of the=20 40% of Black women who never marry or a part of the 70% that=20 never successfully marry, moving both of their families into=20 one dwelling. If they are both working (even if only part=20 time), or receiving child support or welfare, this=20 dramatically reduces their cost of living, enables them to=20 divide up the household chores, enables them to have=20 more relaxed time with the kids for parenting, enables them=20 to give each other breaks from the care of the kids, gives=20 them a helper if they are temporarily disabled by illness,=20 gives them an adult companion with whom they can share their=20 trials and joys (Women are such good listeners!), and enables=20 them to achieve a higher standard of living than they could=20 independently. The savings and efficiencies are=20 increased if three or more such single moms move into a=20 larger dwelling with their families. =20 Many misunderstanding can be avoided if the single moms=20 involved sit down together first and reinforce their=20 commitments to the shared living arrangement by drawing up, =20 having signed and witnessed a contract that clearly spells=20 out each others responsibilities, privileges and=20 accountability in the arrangement. Of course the down side of=20 this is that they are sexual and affectionate beings who=20 will need to hug, hold and touch each other, basic human=20 needs. The danger of them becoming lesbians or bisexual=20 is greatly increased, and a factor with which they must deal=20 and recognize if they choose to join forces in their struggle=20 with life, family and work.=20 Sometimes these substitutes work, but many times they are=20 just better than nothing. Sometimes these part-time=20 substitutes don't cure the empty bed blues, the absent parent=20 blues. Even God said it wasn't good for people to be alone.=20 There are other ways of solving this problem where there is=20 lifetime commitment both for the parents and for their=20 children. There may be some value, some lessons to be=20 learned, some ideas worth considering in an anthropological consideration of how other people in other cultures and countries deal with this shortage of men who are interested in and willing to seriously and effectively commit to=20 marriage. Let=E2=80=99s consider a few of these. THE FOLLOWING IS PROVIDED ONLY UPON PRIVATE EMAIL REQUEST. NOT PROVIDED IN GROUP SETTINGS DUE TO ROMANS 14. Please boycott France, Germany, Spain, Canada and Britain and their products= =20 because of their antiAmericanisms. If you wish to repond to my post, please=20= do=20 so directly to one of my email addresses. Because of my responsibilities I a= m=20 no longer able to daily keep up with all the groups of which I am a member=20 and to which I post. If you no longer wish to receive Email from me, please=20 reply with UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject line. I can't unsubscribe you if you r= eceive=20 my Email through a WWW group. The Most High God loved the people of the worl= d=20 so very much that He sent and gave His only Son born of a woman, God with us= ,=20 to be our Passover Lamb and die for us to cover our sins if we sincerely and= =20 genuinely call and depend on our living King Jesus of Bethlehem ALONE to sav= e=20 us from our sins and present us to Abba Father in Heaven, covered with His=20 perfect righteousness. --part1_127.58960148.2f71caf4_boundary Content-Type: text/html; charset="UTF-8" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Content-Language: en THE CRISIS IN THE BLACK FAMILY: EXTREME= LY INDEPENDENT
SINGLE MOTHERS, ABSENT OR INADEQUATE MALES, and the
PLIGHT OF THE SINGLE AFROAM WOMAN WHO WANTS TO MARRY.
COPYRIGHT (c) JANUARY 14, 1995 All rights reserved.
Copyright (c) 01/14/'95; 01/12/96; 3/15/'04  (Revised)
This file, in its entirety, may be posted on or copied off of
computer networks like Internet or WWW by anyone so
inclined as long as it isn=E2=80=99t changed.
By Lee Tyler   P.O. Box 620763, SanDiego, CA 92162-0763
  oldeservant8@excite.com  Jabez1Chr4@aol.com
CONTINUED

Some suggest finding support groups (churches,
fellowships, 12 step etc.) to help the single parent cope,
and
for some that works so they can carry on a meaningful life. 
Some find significant help from counselors.  Some take
James Dobson's advice by single mothers finding acceptable
male role models for their sons, or by single fathers finding
acceptable female role models for their daughters.  Some of
these role models can be found on a volunteer or token pay
basis through one's extended family, one's church, one's
support groups, local schools or etc.  But these substitutes
lack the sense of permanent commitment, "I'm here for you
for life", that real  parents can give. 

There is another substitute, another option. Two single moms
who also are the best and dearest of friends (Women are so
much better than men at building successful relationships!) 
decide to join forces and households , having realized that
they will probably be a part of the
40% of Black women who never marry or a part of the 70% that
never successfully marry, moving both of their families into
one dwelling. If they are both working (even if only part
time),  or receiving  child support or welfare,  this
dramatically reduces their cost of living, enables them to
divide up the household chores, enables them to have
more relaxed time with the kids for parenting, enables them
to give each other breaks from the care of the kids, gives
them a helper if they are temporarily disabled by illness,
gives them an adult companion with whom they can share their
trials and joys (Women are such good listeners!), and enables
them to achieve a higher standard of living than they could
independently. The savings and efficiencies are
increased if three or more such single moms move into a
larger dwelling with their families.  

Many misunderstanding can be avoided if the single moms
involved sit down together first and reinforce their
commitments to the shared living arrangement by drawing up, 
having signed and witnessed a contract that clearly spells
out each others responsibilities, privileges and
accountability in the arrangement. Of course the down side of
this is that they are sexual and affectionate  beings who
will need to hug, hold and touch each other,  basic human
needs.  The danger of them becoming lesbians or bisexual
is greatly increased, and a factor with which they must deal
and recognize if they choose to join forces in their struggle
with life, family and work.

Sometimes these substitutes work, but many times they are
just better than nothing.  Sometimes these part-time
substitutes don't cure the empty bed blues, the absent parent
blues.  Even God said it wasn't good for people to be alone.
There are other ways of solving this problem where there is
lifetime commitment both for the parents and for their
children. There may be some value, some lessons to be
learned, some ideas worth considering in an anthropological
consideration of how other people in other cultures and
countries deal with this shortage of men who are interested
in and willing to seriously and effectively commit to
marriage. Let=E2=80=99s consider a few of these.

THE FOLLOWING IS PROVIDED ONLY UPON PRIVATE EMAIL REQUEST.
NOT PROVIDED IN GROUP SETTINGS DUE TO ROMANS
14.



Please boycott France, Germany, Spain, Canada and Britain and their produ= cts because of their antiAmericanisms. If you wish to repond to my post, ple= ase do so directly to one of my email addresses. Because of my responsibilit= ies I am no longer able to daily keep up with all the groups of which I am a= member and to which I post. If you no longer wish to receive Email from me,= please reply with UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject line. I can't unsubscribe you=20= if you receive my Email through a WWW group. The Most High God loved the peo= ple of the world so very much that He sent and gave His only Son born of a w= oman, God with us, to be our Passover Lamb and die for us to cover our sins=20= if we sincerely and genuinely call and depend on our living King Jesus of Be= thlehem ALONE to save us from our sins and present us to Abba Father in Heav= en, covered with His perfect righteousness.
 --part1_127.58960148.2f71caf4_boundary--