HOW ARE HUSBANDS AND WIVES SUPPOSED TO RELATE TO EACH OTHER IN MARRIAGE ETC. ? COPYRIGHT © JANUARY 14, 1995 All rights reserved. Copyright © 01/14/'95; 01/12/Õ96 (Revised) This file, in its entirety, may be posted on or copied off of computer networks like Internet or WWW by anyone so inclined.This is an ASCII text only copy of a Macintosh MicrosoftWord5 file made for non-Macintosh folks, so it is very plain and basic in its form (footnotes, indentation and page layout). So when your text only version comes up with Palatino 14, just select all and change it to Palatino 12 or 10. By L. Tyler P.O. Box 620763, SanDiego, CA 92162-0763 polyboy@delphi.com What is the nature of the relationship that Jesus wants the husband and the wife to have. MKJV GENESIS 1: 26 ¦ ÒAnd God said, Let Us make man in Our image, after our likeness. . . . 27 And God created man in His image; in the image of God He created him. He created them male and female. 28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, Be fruitful, and multiply and fill the earth, and subdue it. . .Ó MKJV GENESIS 2: 20 ÒAnd Adam gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every animal of the field. But there was not found a suitable helper for Adam. 21 ¦ And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept. And He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh underneath. 22 And the LORD God made the rib (which He had taken from the man) into a woman. And He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said, This [is] now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. [She] shall be called Woman because [she] was taken out of man. 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife and they shall be one flesh.Ó MKJV GEN. 3:16 ¦ ÒTo the woman He said, I will greatly increase your sorrow and your conception. In pain you shall bear sons, and your desire shall be toward your husband, and he shall rule over you.Ó MKJV 1 CORINTH. 11: 1 ¦ ÒBe imitators of me, even as I also [am] of Christ. 2 But I praise you, brothers, that you remember me in all things, and you keep the doctrines as I delivered [them] to you. 3 But I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman [is] the man; and the head of Christ [is] God. 4 Every man praying or prophesying with [his] head covered dishonors his Head. . . . 7 For a man indeed ought not to have [his] head covered, because he is the image and glory of God. But the woman is [the] glory of [the] man. 8 For the man is not of the woman, but the woman of the man. 9 Nor was the man created for the woman, but the woman for the man. . . . 11 But neither is the man without the woman, nor the woman without the man, in the Lord. 12 For as the woman [is] of the man, even so the man [is] also by the woman; but all things ofGod. Ò Those passages make it very clear that the wife is under the authority of her husband even though he is no better no godlier than her. If she joins herself to another while he lives >114 it is adultery, even if she has a perfectly legal divorce decree from the government since GodÕs laws are the final word. So why the double standards (e.g. 1. the wife can separate herself chastely from her husband, but he may not separate himself from his wife at all; 2. The wife may not rule over the husband, but the husband must take the lead as her servant and she must make the choice whether or not to follow him)? [Footnote: >114 (l Cor. 7:39 and Romans 7:1-5; Mark 10:1- 20).] This does not mean that women are second class citizens in the Kingdom of God, because the Word is clear>115, that even now in the spiritual realm -seated with Christ now in the heavens- there is no difference between males and females in their rights, privileges and responsibilities. In terms of the spiritual warfare and influence seen in Daniel 10 and Ephesians 6:10-20, females and males have equal opportunities to be used of God mightily and effectively. [Footnote: >115 in Galatians 3:26,27,28; Ephesians 2:6, 19-22 and Matthew 19:10-12 and 1 Peter 3:7.] So there is now no difference between the sexes in spirit in Christ in the heavens. But our spirits are also now in our bodies on earth in the realm of Satan, the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now works in the sons of disobedience. Our reborn spirits, the Holy Spirit, now lives in our flesh and blood bodies, which flesh and blood bodies cannot receive our inherit the Kingdom of God and are at war >116 with the Spirit in us. When our bodies are transformed by Jesus they will not have blood and they will obviously have transformed flesh no longer under the influence of hormones, germs etc. [Footnote: >116 (Romans 7:13- 8:11; Galatians 5:16-26).] There is nothing in the Bible that says women are inferior to men. "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.">5 What does it mean to be in Christ Jesus? "But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great Love with which he Loved us, even when we were dead in sins, has made us alive together with Christ . . . and has raised [us] up together, and made [us] sit together in the heavenlies in Christ Jesus . . . for through Him we both have access by one Spirit to the Father." >6 In terms of what is real, spiritually right now we who are His children have a presence in His very presence right now where sex is totally irrelevant and inconsequential. "Therefore, from now on, we know no one according to the flesh. . .">7 Our sexuallity is not a legitimate basis for knowing each other or relating to each other. Our sexuality is like a temporary "uniform" we wear during a short period of our eternal life with God, or like an instrument we temporarily play in God's orchestra. [Footnote: >5 Gal 3:28. >6 Ephes. 2:1-18. >7 2 Cor. 5:16] Our Father decided>8 which of us would wear female "uniforms" and which would wear male "uniforms", which of us would play female instruments and which of us would play male instruments during our pilgrimage on earth. As the Grand Conductor of his orchestra, He decides where we should be and when we should play our "instrument" or wear our "uniform". All are uniformed musicians in God's orchestra and all are musicians with an instrument to play. There are varying degrees of skill and varying degrees of importance in His orchestra>9 We know that everyone in the orchestra must be harmonious and unified in their effort because it takes only one musician to make one sour note to mess up the performance, so clearly all are important and are all under the command of the Conductor. [Footnote: >8 Eph. 1:11; Rom. 8:28. >9 Rom. 12; 1 Cor. 12.] For some of us life means we are males, for some of us life means we are females, all under the same Conductor. His males and His females must be harmonious and unified in their effort because it only take one member to be grieved for the whole Body of Christ to be hurting>10 . The females' part in the symphony of life is spelled out in Bible passages>11 and the males' part in the symphony of life is spelled out in Bible passages>12. They are not the same parts, but under the grand Conductor the parts can and should be harmonious and unified, blending to produce a wonderful work for the benefit of all. [Footnote: >10 Rom. 12:5; 1 Cor. 12:26,27. >11 Gen. 2; 1 Cor. 11:1-16; 14:34,35,36; Ephes. 5; 1 Tim. 2 & 5 and Titus 2. >12 Gen. 2; 1 Cor. 11:1-16; Eph. 5; 1 Tim 3 & 5; Titus 1 & 2.] If that means the Conductor wants the male to play the lead violin and the female to play the lead viola in a duet (marriage), then He knows best and can draw out of us in that relationship beautiful harmonies for the delight and benefit of all. The female is not inferior to the male, but while they are male and female, He has laid down some rules how we are to relate in His Church when we assemble in one place, and He has laid down some rules when we come together in marriage/sex. If we Love Him, we will obey His rules in those settings>13 . If we love Him, we will compassionately cherish each other, male and female, in obedience to Him. Sacrificial and self-denying compassionate cherishing results in no victims, not tyrants, no dictators, no slaves and no abuse. It means seeking the best for the object of such Love and cooperating with them to achieve that best. [Footnote: >13 John 14:15, 21; 1 John 2:1-5; Heb. 5:8,9] So being in the body now has its problems and limitations. Being in the body on earth is a real handicap in terms of the Spirit because we daily have to practice Romans 6:1-14, crucifying the flesh daily>117 . The woman's body was designed and created to help/assist man>118 . Adam needed no spiritual companion because he had spiritual communion with Jesus daily in the garden. His body needed a female body and the female body needed a compatible spirit to be the kind of flesh-spirit helper Jesus designed her to be. They were completely equal in the garden, like we will be in the spiritual realm of the heavens with Christ, especially when we reign on earth with Him for a thousand years after the tribulation. But they failed to obey in the garden and ruined that wonderful arrangement so temporarily we have the Òdouble standardsÓ. [Footnote: >117 (Colos. 3:5). >118 (Gen.2:18; l Cor. 11:1- 10).] Genesis 3 and l Corinthians 11 show the tragic consequen-ces of their sin. Yes, their sin. I really like the radio preacherÕs idea that Adam knew that she would die for eating that fruit, so being compelled by his love and need for her he decided to die with her rather than to lose her and so he also ate the fruit. His fear of God was still greater than his love for her, yet not great enough to keep him from eating the fruit, so he blamed her when he was confronted by Christ. Maybe that is why Jesus made such a big deal in Luke 14 etc. that we must love Him more than we love our loved ones. See St. Augustine>.n95 who makes the same points. [Footnote: >.n95 A Select Library of the Nicene and Post- Nicene Fathers of The Christian Church, Vol. V; W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., pp. 267ff.] God created the wonder of woman for the delight of man. The wonder and beauty of the females God created was so powerful that even demonic angels lusted for them, incarnated and married them, bringing on God's fierce wrath (Genesis 6:1-8). Women, in this writer's opinion, are the most beautiful objects on earth, greater in beauty grace than any other thing or being created by God or made by man. The male was the rough draft, the female is the masterpiece----to be handled with tender loving care and thanksgiving to God. So what is this to Eve that her desire and longing would be for her husband and that the husband shall rule over his wife? To me that's like giving a gorilla the care of the statue of the Ephesian Diana or the painting of the Mona Lisa, but God know better than I. The husband who is said to "rule" over his wife, is the same husband who is commanded over and over again in Eph. 5 to compassion- ately cherish her. A ruler-husband who compassionately cherishes his wife? Big words, but what do they mean? They mean that when he "rules over" his wife he-------- 1. Meekly (Spiritually controlling his superior strength so as to be gentle) chersihes her without envy or jealousy.>9 2. Patiently bears ill treatment from her. 3. Is kind and gentle to her. 4. Mellows that which would be harsh or austere for her. 5. Does not brag or show off with her. He is not haughty to her. 6. Does not act unbecomingly with her, free of arrogance or bad manners. 7. Is unselfish and selfless with her, not insisting on his own personal rights or way. 8. Does not become touchy, resentful, irritated, provoked, exasperated, angry with her. 9. Does not take into account any evil she may do to him, holding no grudges. 10. Does not take pleasure or delight in her evil or what is evil for her. 11. Rejoices with her in the truth. 12. Endures all her things. 13. Optimistically believes her and in her. 14. Hopes for the best for and in her. 15. Courageously bears up under all her trying ways. 16. Is committed to let Christ's Love in him for her never fail. 17. Intelligently and wisely conducts his home life with her. 18. Holds her in particular honor, considerately showing all due respect. 19. Renders to her what Christ says is due her, recognizing her sexual authority over his body, not denying her intimate marital affection.>9 THIS MAKES A GREAT CHECK LIST FOR SELF EVALUATION. Examining yourself in the light of this check off list and making the necessary corrections might save you a great deal of grief (1Corinth. 11:28-32) [Footnote: >9. See Wuest's Expanded New Testament and the Amplified Bible for 1 Cor.7, 13; Ephes. 5; Luke 22:25,26,27 and 1 Peter3:7] Such a ruler would be welcome in any sane and god-fearing realm, with great enthusiasm by the subjects. If the husband is like this to the wife, then the wife would be encourage to behave similarly to her children, and then the children would be encouraged to behave similarly to each other ------ and the world would be a better place. Of course any saint knowledgable in the Word knows that it is impossible for us to generate this behavior on our own. As we reckon our selves indeed to be dead to sin/evil, we yield our minds and bodies to Him and trust Him to work His will in us by His Holy Spirit, inspiring and enabling us to yield ourselves to Him so He can rule and live that way in us (Romans 6; Phil.2:12,13; 4:13; Heb. 13:290,21). The husband "rule" over the wife?!?! "How primitive and barbaric!" But didn't God say to the woman " your desire shall be to your husband, and he shall rule over you"? "That's just the Old Testament! It's irrelevant and out of date, besides being primitive and barbaric!" -------- Well what does God say about people who feel that way? 1 CORINTH. 14:34 " Your wives should keep silent in the assemblies, because they are not permitted to be speakers; but they are to bring themselves into submission, as the Law also says. 35.And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for wives to be speakers in the assembly. . . .37. If anyone thinks to be a prophet, or a spiritual one, let him recognize the things I write to you, that they are a commandment of the Lord. 38 But if any is ignorant, let him be ignorant.Ó MKJV 1 THESS. 4: 8 ÒTherefore he who despises does not despise man, but God, who also has given us His Holy Spirit.Ó MKJV ACTS 7:51 ¦ ÒO stiff-necked and uncircumcised in heart and ears! You always resist the Holy Spirit. As your fathers [did], so you do.Ó MKJV ROMANS 9: 19 ÒYou will then say to me, Why does He yet find fault? For who has resisted His will? 20 No, but, O man, who are you who replies against God? Shall the thing formed say to Him who formed [it], Why have you made me this way? 21 Does not the potter have power over the clay, from the same lump to make one vessel to honor and another to dishonor?Ó MKJV 2 TIMOTHY 3: 8 ÒBut as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so these also resist the truth, men of corrupt mind, reprobate concerning the faith. 9 But they shall proceed no further. For their foolishness shall be plain to all, as theirs also becameÓ. The husband should not lord it over (exercise lordship) or tyrannize/suppress the wife, according to the following: MKJV 1 PETER 5: 5 ¦ ÒLikewise, younger ones, be subject to older ones, and all being subject to one another. Put on humility. For God resists proud ones, but He gives grace to the humble. 6 Therefore be humbled under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you in due time . . .Ó MKJV LUKE 22: 25 ÒAnd He said to them, The kings of the nations exercise lordship over them. And they who exercise authority on them are called benefactors. 26 But you [shall] not [be] so: but the greater among you, let him be as the lesser, and he who governs, as [one] who serves.Ó 1 TIM. 2: 9¦ In the same way also, I desire that wives adorn themselves in decent clothing, with modesty and sensible- ness, not [adorned] with braiding, or gold, or pearls, or costly clothing, 10* but with good works, which becomes wives professing godliness. 11* Let the wife learn in silence with all subjection. 12* But I do not allow a wife to teach, or to exercise authority [over] a husband, but to be in silence. AND 1 CORINTH. 14:34 Have your wives keep silence >a in the churches, for it is not permitted to them to speak >b , but [they are commanded]to be subjecting >c themselves , as also says the Law. 35. And if they will learn anything, have them ask their husbands at home, for it is a shame for wives to speak in the church. [Footnote: See the Greek for this interpretation: wife and woman is the same Greek word, man and husband is the same Greek word, it is the context that shows what the word means. >a See l Cor. 14:28,30; Acts 12:17; 15:12 for the Greek usage. >b See 1 Cor. 14:27,28,29; Eph. 5:19; Acts 26:26; John 8:44; 9:21. >c See Arndt & Gingrich and Thayer Lexicons] A wife should not obey her husband if and when he tells her to do something that is contrary to the explicit, plain and uncontested Word of God. By "explicit, plain, and uncontested" I mean that the majority of fundamental, orthodox, evangelical and traditional Christian Bible teachers/preachers/ authors agree on the meaning of that portion of scripture, e.g. "Honor your parents!". I don't mean those portions of scripture that are characterized by parables, allegories or symbolism where you find so much disagreement. I mean that if her husband tells her to steal, lie, fornicate or blaspheme, she knows that such conduct is contrary to the will of God for her so she doesn't obey him. On what grounds? Throughout the Bible God makes it plain that we are to obey our parents and the ssocial/civil authorities over us>^. God makes it very plain that if our parents or the social/civil authorities over us tell us to disobey the clear and explicit will of God, we must disobey>* them in order to obey God. This is true of the state over the citizen, parents over children, and husbands over wives. If the one occupying your culture's place of authority over you tells you to do that which is contrary to the clear, explicit and plain Word of God, then you must disobey the one in authority in order to obey God. So the husband who tells his wife not to go to church, pray or read her Bible----- that husband has to be disobeyed, with all due respect, humility, grace and amiability and without preaching, teaching or lecturing>``. [Footnote: >^=(Romans 13; Heb. 13:7,21 etc.). >*Ezek. 20:17,18; Daniel 3:13-18; 5:21; 6:7-11; Deut. 1:13-18; 17:8- 13; Acts 4:15-21; 5:20,29,40,42; 23:5. >`` (Luke 6:27-36; Galat. 6:1; 2Tim.2:24-26 and 1 Peter 3:1-6). The husband exercises his authority as "head" of the wife by humbly teaching>119 her what she should do/say and by being a good example of how she should act/speak >120 . THE HUSBAND HAS NO RIGHT TO MAKE HIS WIFE DO WHAT HE WANTS HER TO DO AND HE HAS NO SCRIPTURAL RIGHT TO BOSS OR ORDER HER ABOUT>121 . If his wife resists his lead and authority, or just rebels outright, he can compassionately but firmly admonish and rebuke her humbly and gently according to the following: [Footnote: >119 2 Tim. 2:24-26. >120 (Hebrews 13:7, 17,). >121 (Luke 22:25,26;1 Peter 5:5).] MKJV GALATIANs 6: 1 ¦ ÒBrothers, if a man is overtaken in a fault, you the spiritual ones restore such a one in the spirit of meekness, considering yourself, lest you also be tempted. 2 Bear one another's burdens, and so you will fulfill the law of Christ.Ó MKJV 2 TIMOTHY 2:24 ÒBut the servant of [the] Lord must not strive, but to be gentle to all, apt to teach, patient, 25 in meekness instructing those who oppose, if perhaps God will give them repentance to the acknowledging of [the] truth, 26 and [that] they awake out of the snare of the Devil, having been taken captive by him, so as to do the will of that one.Ó MKJV LUKE 17: 3 ÒTake heed to yourselves. If your brother trespasses against you, rebuke him. And if he repents, forgive him. 4 And if he trespasses against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turns again to you, saying, I repent, you shall forgive him.Ó MKJV MATTHEW 18: 15 ¦ ÒBut if your brother shall trespass against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear [you], take one or two more with you, so that in [the] mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell [it] to the church. But if he neglects to hear the church, let him be to you as a heathen and a tax-collector.Ó MKJV 1 CORINTH. 5: 3 ÒFor as being absent in body but present in spirit, I indeed have judged already [as though I were] present [concerning] him who worked out this thing; 4 in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when you are gathered together, with my spirit; also, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ; 5 to deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus. 8 Therefore let us keep [the] feast; not with old leaven, nor with the leaven of malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened [bread] of sincerity and truth. . . 11 But now I have written to you not to associate intimately, if any man called a brother [and is] either . . . or an idolater, or a reviler, . . . with such a one not to eat.Ó After having done all of the above, when his wife is uncooperative or rebellious, he has to leave the results to the Lord/Spirit even if she is difficult and defiant. THE HUSBAND HAS NO RIGHT OR AUTHORITY FROM GOD TO FORCE, COERCE OR INTIMIDATE HIS WIFE IN ORDER TO MAKE HER GIVE IN UNWILLINGLY AND DO WHAT HE WANTS HER TO DO>122 His business and duty is to compassionately cherish her. [Footnote: >122 (Luke 22:25,26;1 Peter 5:5; Eph. 6:9; Col. 4:1)] When her husband is verbally or physically abusive, dictatorial, tyrannical, unkind, harsh and/or wicked, the Godly wife FIRST>^ should fast and pray for her husband who spitefully abuses her, do good to her husband who hates her, bless him when he curses her>^, humbly and meekly tell him privately what he is doing that offends and grieves her>`,flee for her life as she offers her cheek (from a safe distance) to the dog-husband who strikes her>*; and SECONDLY get her local fellowship group to do Matt. 18:15-20 and/or 1Cor.5:5- 14. Then she has to leave the results to the Lord/Spirit if he is difficult and defiant. Her business and duty is to compassionately cherish him and show respect to him even if he has failed the Matt. 18 test and she now relates to him as to an unsaved person>¤. [Footnote: >^ Luke 6:27-42. >` Matt.18:15-18;Gal.6:1; 2Tim.2:24-28. >*Matt. 10:23; 1Cor.7:10,11; Prov.1:10-19; Prv. 2:10-22. >¤ Eph.5:22-34; Matt.18:17] What a shame most women have no idea of what the average male's testosterone sex drive does to him. Granted about half of males have low mid-range to low testosterone levels as well as nocturnal emission, so they have little or no problem turning off or on their sex lives. The low testosterone level males may have a great deal of difficulty turning on their sex lives. Women have no idea that the sex drive in that half of the male who have mid to high testosterone levels in their blood is as strong and compelling as the hunger drive when the stomach is growling and cramping for lack of food; or as the thirst drive when the tongue, throat and mouth are so dry it is even difficult to talk; as the rest drive when it is impossible to keep the eyes open or the body erect due to utter exhausion. These same women would not normally ignore such hunger/thirst signs, nor say that they would take cold showers and exercise to overcome such hunger/ thirst signs. If they chose to fast, go without food and drink, by the second day they would be too weak to do their daily work and chores, and by the third day they would be too weak walk far or stand for long periods of time. As one who has fasted and prayed three days without food or drink, I know. Yet they fault the mid to high testosterone blood level male for not being able to ignore his compelling sex drive and do without. When the men who are not blessed with natural nocturnal emission (wet dreams) have gone without sexual release for several days, the prostrate becomes so congested that it begins to squeeze shut the uretha so they cannot urinate normally and the effect on the brain is that those males are so distracted and distractable, especially by anything female, that quite literAlly their minds could be said to be weakened in that it is very difficult to concentrate or focus on necessary tasks. If women could think of their nasal sinuses being so congested that they cannot breath, or of the problems with urination that a woman has with urination when 8 or 9 months pregnant, then maybe they could understand the problems prostrate congestion can cause. Without release, ejaculation, they could become so distracted and distractable by anything that, as with too much alcohol, their judment and thinking is impaired and foolish (risky), dangerous (AIDS,HIV) or irrational behaviour results. To help his wife or daughter understand the effect of testosterone on a male in relationship with his woman whom he loves and desires passionately, a man might do the following. (1) Take his lady out to eat her favorite meal. Order the meal, talking it up to maximize her anticipation and desire for it (2). When the meal is served, ask her take a minute to look carefully at each item (how it is arranged, how it appears). Ask her to smell each item. Ask her to take one fork/spoon serving of each item and eat it, one at a time. Ask her if she is pleased and still wants it (3). If she replies that she is ready and eager to eat and wants no more delay, then gently, sweetly, carefully ask/beg/entreat her to trust you in what you are about to do and that she go along with what you are about to do. If she will cooperate, ask the waiter/waitress to doggy bag the meal(4). She will probably need a lot of reassurance at this point, so tell her that if she will go along with you it will significantly improve her marriage. Hopefully she will believe you, reluctantly. Ask her to carry the bagged food in the car on her lap, or on the floor at her feet. Turn on the heater of your car with a little floor heat so the smell of the food will rise to her face(5). When you get home, ask her to carry it and put it in the refrigerator (6). She will probably need more encouragement to do this. Ask/beg/entreat her to trust you and cooperate. Ask her if she likes the way that the evening has gone so far. Ask her how she feels about her favorite meal, cooling off in the refrigerator. Sit her down and gently, compassionately and wisely explain to her what follows next. The Òfavorite mealÓ to him is HER (1). He approaches, anticipates, and awaits her with eager expectation(2). Tell her that everytime he sees, smells, hears, touches and/or tastes her lips/skin, it is what she felt above (3). Explain that the bagging of the food in front of her (4) is what he feels when she says to him ÒHoney! Not tonight.Ó, ÒI have a headache and I just donÕt feel like it right now.Ó, ÒAll you think of is sex! Chill out baby! Not tonight!Ó, ÒWhat have you done lately to deserve it, baby?Ó. Explain to her that the carrying of the pleasantly aromatic food home on her lap in the car is like when he is near her but canÕt feast on her, canÕt fully enjoy her(5). Explain that her putting the nice warm and delicious food in the refrigerator is what he experiences when he has to go to bed or part from her without having had the honor, the privilege, the delightful pleasure, the soul fulfilling experience of feasting on her and her many delectables (6). Explain patiently and gently and that for him his sexual drive is an appetite, and his appetite is for her - his favorite feast. Explain that to be near her is like ordering and receiving his favorite meal, her. Explain that when he is denied his compelling hunger and thirst for her, it is painful and hard to bear. Explain that it is a soul wrenching experience. Explain that he NEEDS he even more than he WANTS her. Appeal to her experience with the deferred meal to understand how frustrating and emotionally troubling it is to be denied her. If nothing else, lay the Word on her----how it is the will of God for her to feed the hungry, and seeing his need and her ability to meet it -- pray that she will be moved with compassion and meet his need. And explain that his responsibility is to receive the wonderful and gracious gift that she is and has, is to gently and kindly and thoughtfully enjoy her---seeking to give her as much pleasure as possible. If he doesnÕt do that, then he is the swine that had pearls thrown before him, the fool who has no idea of the value of his precious possession and hides it away from all, even from himself. If the smile and expressions of delight on her face and the utterances of fulfillment and ecstasy on her lips are not as important to him as his hunger for and need of her, then he is unworthy of her. Perhaps such an unworthy one could show genuine repentance (2Cor7) and humble himself under the mighty hand of His God and under the authority He has given his wife over his body, and become a learner of how to please and delight his woman. A man who acts like Nabal with his wife, will surely face the fate of a Nabal. As a male with mid to high testosterone and no nocturnal emission when I was in high school, my Urologist (Vital Haynes,MD), told me I had a few options to prevent my recurring prostrate congestion. He said that I, at age 17, could either get married and be intimate frequently, be promiscuous frequently, self-stimulate quite frequently, become homosexual (the penis in the anus squeezes the seminal fluid out of the prostrate), or come into his office two to three times a week for him to massage/press the seminal fluid out of my prostrate (too expensive and embarassing). Cold showers, exercise and being spiritual just did not empty the prostrate so I could urinate normally and have my mind clear of testosterone distractions. For the mid to high testosterone male, sexual release is just as much as physical need as food, drink, and sleep. The question such men have to deal with is, "How can I have the testosterone release I need so I can take care of daily business and be acceptable to Jesus?" The obvious answer is marriage (1 Cor. 7:1,2,5,9) with a wife who understands his sexual needs and is committed to ministering to him in his need in Christ, and as unto Christ (Matt. 25:34,35,36), so that his physical need of the release/ejaculation can be met and they can get on with their lives. The closest the female comes to this experience is in her PMS where her mind is bombarded with hormones etc. making many to be quite distracted and temporarily not their normal selves. It is extremely difficult for a woman to understand that testosterone can make a godly man REALLY NEED (not just want) the physical marital love making of a godly wife. It is not just a matter of the will and the mind, just like the physical needs for food, drink and sleep. It is the wise man who is very good and attentive to the person who has what he needs, and needs to be encouraged to give it to him. THE SONG OF SOLOMON >>The Shulamite "He should kiss me with the kisses of his mouth---- for your loving is better than wine! . . . . I am BLACK [AS A RAVEN], but lovely . . . because the sun has looked upon me. . . ." >>The Shulamite "He should kiss me with the kisses of his mouth---- for your loving is better than wine! . . . . I am black [as a raven], but lovely . . . because the sun has looked upon me. . . ." >>Solomon Behold, you are fair, my beloved companion! Behold, you are fair! You have dove's eyes. >>The Shulamite Behold, you are handsome, my beloved! Yes, pleasant! . . . . His left hand is under my head, And his right hand embraces me. . . . >>Solomon How fair is your loving, My sister, my spouse! How much better than wine is your loving, And the fragrance of your perfumes Than all spices! Your lips, O my spouse, Drip as the honeycomb; Honey and milk are under your tongue; And the fragrance of your garments Is like the fragrance of Lebanon. A garden enclosed Is my sister, my spouse, . . . . >>The Shulamite My beloved should come to his garden And eat its pleasant fruits. >>Solomon I have come to my garden, my sister, my spouse . . . >> The Shulamite My beloved is WHITE AND RUDDY, Chief among ten thousand. His head is like the fines gold; His locks wavy, And BLACK AS A RAVEN. . . . >>Solomon How fair and how pleasant you are, O love, with your delights! This stature of yours is like a palm tree And your breasts like its clusters. I said 'I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of its branches.' Your breasts should be like clusters of the vine, The fragrance of your breath like apples, And the roof of your mouth like the best wine. >>The Shulamite I am my beloved's And his desire is toward me. Come, my beloved, We should get up early to the vineyards; There I will give you my loving. . . . His left hand is under my head, And his right hand embraces me. . . [Beloved], set me as a seal upon your heart, As a seal upon your arm; For love is as strong as death, . . . . Many waters cannot quench love, Nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give for love All the wealth of his house, It would be utterly despised. . . . I am a wall, And my breasts like towers; Then I became in his eyes As one who found peace. . . " Song of Solomon "Your fountain should be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, her breasts should satisfy you at all times; and always be intoxicated-orgasmic-enraptured with her loving. Proverbs 5:18,19 "Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart; For God has already accepted your works. Let your garments always be white, and let your head lack no oil. All the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun live joyfully with the wife whom you love, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun." Ecclesiastes 9:7,8,9 "Wives, submit [yourselves] to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church . . . Husbands, compassionately cherish your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it . . . each one of you in particular should so compassionately cherish his own wife as h imself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."Ephesians 5:22-33 St. Augustine (4th Century AD) had the following good word on this subject in the following: ÒThat the holy fathers of olden times after Abraham, and before him, to whom God gave His testimony that "they pleased Him," [Heb. 11:4-6] thus used their wives, no one who is a Christian ought to doubt, since it was permitted to certain individuals amongst them to have a plurality of wives, where the reason was for the multiplication of their offspring, not the desire of varying gratification. . .In the advance . . . of the human race, it came to pass that to certain good men were united a plurality of good wives, --- many to each; and from this it would seem that moderation sought rather unity on one side for dignity, while nature permitted plurality on the other side for fecundity. For on natural principles it is more feasible FOR ONE TO HAVE DOMINION OVER MANY, THAN FOR MANY TO HAVE DOMINION OVER ONE.Ó [Footnote: >..67 A Select Library of the Nicene and Post- Nicene Fathers of The Christian Church, Vol. V; p. 267] Were polygyny and concubinage a form of female abuse? Without even discussing cases like that of OJ Simpson's, there is a very well documented serious and growing problem of spousal abuse in monogamous America. There is still an internationally known serious and abiding problem of males killing their wives either to free them so they can get the dowry of a new wife, or just because they don't love their wives, in India where open polygyny has been illegal for some time. You will find spousal abuse in every form of marriage known to and practiced by humans because their sinful nature>3 or because of the involvement of evil spiritual beings>4. The problem is not the social form of the marriage. The problem is in the humans who exercise that social form of marriage. Mates will abuse mates whether it be polygyny or monogyny. [Footnote: >3 Rom 3:23. >4 Eph. 2:1,2; 6:12.] Did polygyny and concubinage unfairly or unjustly give a male the advantage over his women? The husband is still commanded to live wisely and respectfully>14 with his wife and we know that the beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord resulting in obedience to the Lord>15 . The husband is still commanded to compassionately cherish his wife as Christ compassionately cherishes the Church. The advantage over women? It sounds more like the male is given additional and solemn responsibilities for the loving of his woman. [Footnote: >14 1 Peter 3:7. >15 Psalm 19:9; Prov. 1:7; Hebrews 5:6,7,8,9; Prov. 4:20-22] I submit to you that, as most Christian messengers have said, monogyny is the ideal and preferable form of marriage for most people. Most of us do not live in an ideal and preferred world. Most of us do not have first class tickets for the trip of life. Most of the Christian leaders told us that our ancestors were wrong in their practice of polygyny, so most of us stopped practicing it. Courageous saints, like St. Augustine, have held that polygyny and concubines were not sinful and were the will of God for some of His chilldren. In the document below I submit that, for us who find ourselves in such a less than perfect world, we need to know our options and know them better. I try to show in the document below, that polygyny and concubinage are neither sinful nor displeasing to God, and that there is a way for the godly in Christ Jesus to live in polygyny or concubinage that today is acceptable to God and allowed by society, whether you are in Africa, Thailand, Paris or Los Angeles. As with any controversial thing>16 in life, one must search out the will of God in the matter and, with His wisdom and enabling, walk in it as He leads and provides. Hopefully this paper will help you move in that direction, if it is His will. [Footnote: >16 Romans 14] DIVORCE, REMARRIAGE, CONCUBINES AND JESUS TABLE OF CONTENTS (These page numbers are correct with Palatino 14 ,left and right margins of 1.25"each, and top and bottom margins at 1" each. Everybody's computer is potentially different, and if you Select All Font to "clean it up", reducing it to Palatino 12 or Geneva 10, you should probably use Find to find any particular chapter/appendix you are interested in.) I. INTRODUCTION: PRIORITIES RECONSIDERED. P. 4 II. DIVORCE! A PLAGUE AND ITS CONSEQUENCES. P. 8 III. DIVORCE DEFINED. P. 23 IV. VARIETIES OF MARRIAGE IN THE BIBLE, OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS -- LET THE WORD SPEAK ABOUT POLYGYNY AND CONCUBINES! P. 25 V. WHAT DO CHRISTIAN LEADERS SAY ABOUT CONCUBINES & POLYGYNY? P. 50 VI. ADULTERY DEFINED: A SURPRISE! ISNÕT POLYGYNY ADULTERY? P. 66 VII. SO, WHAT ABOUT CONCUBINES & POLYGYNY TODAY IN MY COUNTRY? P. 73 VIII. ARE POLYGYNISTS AND CONCUBINES LIVING IN ERROR TODAY? P. 82 IX. MARRIAGE, CONCUBINES, CIVIL LAW, PERSONAL LIBERTY AND A LOVING CONSCIENCE! P. 87 X. DOES GOD FORGIVE BROKEN VOWS, DIVORCE AND ADULTERY? P. 91 XI. CAN YOU COME BACK TOGETHER & REMMARY AFTER ADULTEROUS REMARRIAGE? P. 99 XII. WHAT ABOUT THE HEALTH QUESTIONS INVOLVED IN SUCH REUNIONS? P. 108 XIII. CAN ADULTERY, DIVORCE, VOWS AND REPENTANCE RESULT IN POLYGYNY/CONCUBINAGE? P. 112 XIV. ADULTERY, DIVORCE, CONCUBINES, POLYGYNY AND THE UNSAVED. P. 119 XV. THE MARRIED MAN WHO WOULD ADD WIVES/CONCUBINES TO HIS "HAREM". P. 121 XVI. ARE POLYGYNY & CONCUBINES OPTIONS FOR THE ABANDONED MAN? P. 126 XVII. POLYGYNISTS, CONCUBINES AND THE LEADERS OF GOD'S PEOPLE. P. 129 XVIII. POLYGYNY & CONCUBINES AND THE WESTERN CHRISTIAN WOMAN. P. 130 XIX. WHAT'S WRONG WITH POLYANDRY? P. 134 XX. HUSBAND RULE OVER THE WIFE? IF SERVANT-TEACHERS RULE .P. 137 XXI. THREE CHEERS FOR MONOGAMY! THE BEST FOR MOST! P. 141 XXII. LISTEN TO THE WORD! P. 145 XXIII. BIBLIOGRAPHY P. 147 APPENDIX ONE -- WHAT ABOUT INTERRACIAL AND INTERETHNIC MARRIAGE? P.150 APPENDIX TWO -- WHAT DO YOU THINK? THE FEEDING OF TWO LEGGED OXEN. P.157 APPENDIX THREE -- A WEDDING COVENANT FOR NONSWEARERS - P. 159 APPENDIX FOUR -- WHAT MAKES A WEDDING/MARRIAGE? - P. 161 APPENDIX FIVE -- MARRYING THE UNSAVED AND "SAINTS" LIVING IN ERROR. - P.163 APPENDIX SIX -- WHEN DO I HAVE TO MARRY? - P. 167 APPENDIX SEVEN -- THE ERRR OF SWEARING, OF OATHS AND SWEARING OATHS. -P.182 XXIII. BIBLIOGRAPHY >1. A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of The Christian Church, Vol. IV; edited by Philip Schaff (D.d., LL.D.); W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., Grand Rapids Mich; 1956 >2. A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of The Christian Church, Vol. V; edited by Philip Schaff (D.d., LL.D.); ; W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., Grand Rapids Mich; 1956; p. 267 >3. A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of The Christian Church, Vol. VIII; edited by Philip Schaff (D.d., LL.D.) and Henry Wace (D.D.) ; W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., Grand Rapids Mich; 1956 >4. A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of The Christian Church, Vol. XIV; edited by Philip Schaff (D.D., LL.D.) and Henry Wace (D.D.) ; W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., Grand Rapids Mich; 1956 >5. Amplified Bible, The; 1965, Zondervan Publishing House >6. ANALYTICAL GREEK LEXICON, THE: Harper & Brothers, New York >7. Arndt & Gingrich: A GREEK-ENGLISH LEXICON OF THE NEW TESTAMENT and Other Early Christian Literature ; By W.F.Arndt & F. W. Gingrich; The Univ. of Chicago Press, Chicago, Ill.; Cambridge at the Univ. Press.; 1957 >8. ASV: The Holy Bible, American Standard Version 1901 & 1929; Thomas Nelson & Sons, New York >9. Gold Cord, by Amy Carmichael, Christian Literature Crusade, Fort Worthington, Penna.; London's Society for the Promotion of Christian Knowledge, Holy Trinity Church, Marylebone Rd., N.W. (N.Y. The Macmillan Company). >10. CUSTOMS AND CULTURES, Anthropology for Christian Missions, by Eugene A. Nida1954, Harper & Brothers, New York >11. Darby's 1890 translation: Most of the scriptures quoted in this work, if not otherwise indicated, are from the a modernized version of J. N. Darby's translation, the OnLine Bible computer program of "Online Bible f ", Ken Hammil 1-908-741-4298; [E-Mail: khamel@aol.com]. >12. DIVORCE, John Murray, Presbyterian and Reformed Publishing Co. \ >13. G. Duty's book on divorce and remarriage , Downers Grove, Ill. >14. HASTING'S DICTIONARY OF THE BIBLE; 1989, Hendrickson Publishers, Inc., Peabody, Mass;, Editor James Hastings, DD., >15. I LOVED A GIRL; Walter Trobisch, Inter-Varsity Press, Downers Grove, Ill. >16. INTERNATIONAL BIBLE COMMENTARY, THE; Editor, F.F.Bruce; 1979; Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids Michigan. >17. Jay Adam'sÕ book on divorce and remarriage >18. JEWISH: The Holy Scriptures according to the Masoretic Text, 1955, The Jewish Publication Society. >19. KINSHIP & MARRIAGE, Robin Fox, 1967, Penguin Books, Inc., USA & England >20. LAMSA: The Holy Bible from Ancient Eastern Manuscripts, 1940, Holman Co., by G. Lamsa. >21. MARRIAGE EAST AND WEST; David & Vera Mace, 1960, Dolphin Books, Double Day & Co., Inc. Garden City, NY >22.MARRYING AGAIN; David Hocking, 1977, Fleming H. Revell Co. >23. MKJV: MODERN KING JAMES VERSION, 1993, by Jay P. Green Sr., in Online Bible 2.5.1; the OnLine Bible computer program of "Online Bible f ", Ken Hammil 1- 908-741-4298; [E-Mail: khamel@aol.com]. >24. MY WIFE MADE ME A POLYGAMIST; Walter Trobisch, 1971, Inter- Varsity Press, >25. NASB: Holy Bible New American Standard; Broadman & Holman Publishers, Nashville Tenn.; The Lockman Foundation, 1977 >26. NEB: NEW ENGLISH BIBLE, 1970; Oxford/Cambridge University Press >27. NEW BIBLE DICTIONARY, THE; Editor J.D.Douglas Ph.D; 1962; W. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., Grand Rapids, Mich. >28. NEW TESTAMENT GREEK FOR BEGINNERS, By, J. Gresham Machen, D.D, Litt. D.,1959 >29. NIV: "Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. Copyright @ 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society." Used as required by Zondervan Bible Publishers. >30. NKJV: New King James Version, 1984, Thomas Nelson, Inc. >31. OnLine Bible computer program of "Online Bible f ", Ken Hammil 1- 908-741-4298; [E-Mail: khamel@aol.com]. >32. PLEASE HELP ME! PLEASE LOVE ME!; Walter Trobisch, Inter- Varsity Press, >33. St. Augustin: On The Trinity; translated by Arthur West Haddan, B.D.; W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., Grand Rapids Mich; 1956 >34. StrongÕs Lexicon, Open Bible "Online Bible f", Ken Hammil 1-908-741- 4298. Also Baker Book House, Grand Rapids, Mich. >35. Thayer: Greek English Lexicon of the New Testament; Joseph Henry Thayer, D.D.; American Book Co., New York, 1889 >36. The Septuagint of the Old Testament and Apocrypha With an English Translation; Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan; 1972; Samuel Bagster & Sons, Ltd. London >37. WOMEN'S LIVES IN MEDIEVAL EUROPE - A SOURCEBOOK; Edited by Emile Amt; Routledge, Chapman, Hall; NY, NY; 1993 >38. Wuest's THE NEW TESTAMENT, An Expanded Translation, Kenneth S. Wuest, 1961 >39. YLT; Young's Literal Translation, 1898: OnLine Bible computer program of "Online Bible f ", Ken Hammil 1-908-741-4298; [E-Mail: khamel@aol.com].