HOW ARE HUSBANDS AND WIVES SUPPOSED TO RELATE TO EACH OTHER IN MARRIAGE ETC. ? COPYRIGHT © JANUARY 14, 1995 All rights reserved. Copyright © 01/14/'95; 01/12/¹96 (Revised) This file, in its entirety, may be posted on or copied off of computer networks like Internet or WWW by anyone so inclined.This is an ASCII text only copy of a Macintosh MicrosoftWord5 file made for non-Macintosh folks, so it is very plain and basic in its form (footnotes, indentation and page layout). So when your text only version comes up with Palatino 14, just select all and change it to Palatino 12 or 10. By L. Tyler P.O. Box 620763, SanDiego, CA 92162-0763 polyboy@delphi.com What is the nature of the relationship that Jesus wants the husband and the wife to have. MKJV GENESIS 1: 26 ¶ ³And God said, Let Us make man in Our image, after our likeness. . . . 27 And God created man in His image; in the image of God He created him. He created them male and female. 28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, Be fruitful, and multiply and fill the earth, and subdue it. . .² MKJV GENESIS 2: 20 ³And Adam gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every animal of the field. But there was not found a suitable helper for Adam. 21 ¶ And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept. And He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh underneath. 22 And the LORD God made the rib (which He had taken from the man) into a woman. And He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said, This [is] now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. [She] shall be called Woman because [she] was taken out of man. 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife and they shall be one flesh.² MKJV GEN. 3:16 ¶ ³To the woman He said, I will greatly increase your sorrow and your conception. In pain you shall bear sons, and your desire shall be toward your husband, and he shall rule over you.² MKJV 1 CORINTH. 11: 1 ¶ ³Be imitators of me, even as I also [am] of Christ. 2 But I praise you, brothers, that you remember me in all things, and you keep the doctrines as I delivered [them] to you. 3 But I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman [is] the man; and the head of Christ [is] God. 4 Every man praying or prophesying with [his] head covered dishonors his Head. . . . 7 For a man indeed ought not to have [his] head covered, because he is the image and glory of God. But the woman is [the] glory of [the] man. 8 For the man is not of the woman, but the woman of the man. 9 Nor was the man created for the woman, but the woman for the man. . . . 11 But neither is the man without the woman, nor the woman without the man, in the Lord. 12 For as the woman [is] of the man, even so the man [is] also by the woman; but all things ofGod. ³ Those passages make it very clear that the wife is under the authority of her husband even though he is no better no godlier than her. If she joins herself to another while he lives >114 it is adultery, even if she has a perfectly legal divorce decree from the government since God¹s laws are the final word. So why the double standards (e.g. 1. the wife can separate herself chastely from her husband, but he may not separate himself from his wife at all; 2. The wife may not rule over the husband, but the husband must take the lead as her servant and she must make the choice whether or not to follow him)? [Footnote: >114 (l Cor. 7:39 and Romans 7:1-5; Mark 10:1- 20).] This does not mean that women are second class citizens in the Kingdom of God, because the Word is clear>115, that even now in the spiritual realm -seated with Christ now in the heavens- there is no difference between males and females in their rights, privileges and responsibilities. In terms of the spiritual warfare and influence seen in Daniel 10 and Ephesians 6:10-20, females and males have equal opportunities to be used of God mightily and effectively. [Footnote: >115 in Galatians 3:26,27,28; Ephesians 2:6, 19-22 and Matthew 19:10-12 and 1 Peter 3:7.] So there is now no difference between the sexes in spirit in Christ in the heavens. But our spirits are also now in our bodies on earth in the realm of Satan, the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now works in the sons of disobedience. Our reborn spirits, the Holy Spirit, now lives in our flesh and blood bodies, which flesh and blood bodies cannot receive our inherit the Kingdom of God and are at war >116 with the Spirit in us. When our bodies are transformed by Jesus they will not have blood and they will obviously have transformed flesh no longer under the influence of hormones, germs etc. [Footnote: >116 (Romans 7:13- 8:11; Galatians 5:16-26).] There is nothing in the Bible that says women are inferior to men. "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.">5 What does it mean to be in Christ Jesus? "But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great Love with which he Loved us, even when we were dead in sins, has made us alive together with Christ . . . and has raised [us] up together, and made [us] sit together in the heavenlies in Christ Jesus . . . for through Him we both have access by one Spirit to the Father." >6 In terms of what is real, spiritually right now we who are His children have a presence in His very presence right now where sex is totally irrelevant and inconsequential. "Therefore, from now on, we know no one according to the flesh. . .">7 Our sexuallity is not a legitimate basis for knowing each other or relating to each other. Our sexuality is like a temporary "uniform" we wear during a short period of our eternal life with God, or like an instrument we temporarily play in God's orchestra. [Footnote: >5 Gal 3:28. >6 Ephes. 2:1-18. >7 2 Cor. 5:16] Our Father decided>8 which of us would wear female "uniforms" and which would wear male "uniforms", which of us would play female instruments and which of us would play male instruments during our pilgrimage on earth. As the Grand Conductor of his orchestra, He decides where we should be and when we should play our "instrument" or wear our "uniform". All are uniformed musicians in God's orchestra and all are musicians with an instrument to play. There are varying degrees of skill and varying degrees of importance in His orchestra>9 We know that everyone in the orchestra must be harmonious and unified in their effort because it takes only one musician to make one sour note to mess up the performance, so clearly all are important and are all under the command of the Conductor. [Footnote: >8 Eph. 1:11; Rom. 8:28. >9 Rom. 12; 1 Cor. 12.] For some of us life means we are males, for some of us life means we are females, all under the same Conductor. His males and His females must be harmonious and unified in their effort because it only take one member to be grieved for the whole Body of Christ to be hurting>10 . The females' part in the symphony of life is spelled out in Bible passages>11 and the males' part in the symphony of life is spelled out in Bible passages>12. They are not the same parts, but under the grand Conductor the parts can and should be harmonious and unified, blending to produce a wonderful work for the benefit of all. [Footnote: >10 Rom. 12:5; 1 Cor. 12:26,27. >11 Gen. 2; 1 Cor. 11:1-16; 14:34,35,36; Ephes. 5; 1 Tim. 2 & 5 and Titus 2. >12 Gen. 2; 1 Cor. 11:1-16; Eph. 5; 1 Tim 3 & 5; Titus 1 & 2.] If that means the Conductor wants the male to play the lead violin and the female to play the lead viola in a duet (marriage), then He knows best and can draw out of us in that relationship beautiful harmonies for the delight and benefit of all. The female is not inferior to the male, but while they are male and female, He has laid down some rules how we are to relate in His Church when we assemble in one place, and He has laid down some rules when we come together in marriage/sex. If we Love Him, we will obey His rules in those settings>13 . If we love Him, we will compassionately cherish each other, male and female, in obedience to Him. Sacrificial and self-denying compassionate cherishing results in no victims, not tyrants, no dictators, no slaves and no abuse. It means seeking the best for the object of such Love and cooperating with them to achieve that best. [Footnote: >13 John 14:15, 21; 1 John 2:1-5; Heb. 5:8,9] So being in the body now has its problems and limitations. Being in the body on earth is a real handicap in terms of the Spirit because we daily have to practice Romans 6:1-14, crucifying the flesh daily>117 . The woman's body was designed and created to help/assist man>118 . Adam needed no spiritual companion because he had spiritual communion with Jesus daily in the garden. His body needed a female body and the female body needed a compatible spirit to be the kind of flesh-spirit helper Jesus designed her to be. They were completely equal in the garden, like we will be in the spiritual realm of the heavens with Christ, especially when we reign on earth with Him for a thousand years after the tribulation. But they failed to obey in the garden and ruined that wonderful arrangement so temporarily we have the ³double standards². [Footnote: >117 (Colos. 3:5). >118 (Gen.2:18; l Cor. 11:1- 10).] Genesis 3 and l Corinthians 11 show the tragic consequen-ces of their sin. Yes, their sin. I really like the radio preacher¹s idea that Adam knew that she would die for eating that fruit, so being compelled by his love and need for her he decided to die with her rather than to lose her and so he also ate the fruit. His fear of God was still greater than his love for her, yet not great enough to keep him from eating the fruit, so he blamed her when he was confronted by Christ. Maybe that is why Jesus made such a big deal in Luke 14 etc. that we must love Him more than we love our loved ones. See St. Augustine>.n95 who makes the same points. [Footnote: >.n95 A Select Library of the Nicene and Post- Nicene Fathers of The Christian Church, Vol. V; W.B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., pp. 267ff.] God created the wonder of woman for the delight of man. The wonder and beauty of the females God created was so powerful that even demonic angels lusted for them, incarnated and married them, bringing on God's fierce wrath (Genesis 6:1-8). Women, in this writer's opinion, are the most beautiful objects on earth, greater in beauty grace than any other thing or being created by God or made by man. The male was the rough draft, the female is the masterpiece----to be handled with tender loving care and thanksgiving to God. So what is this to Eve that her desire and longing would be for her husband and that the husband shall rule over his wife? To me that's like giving a gorilla the care of the statue of the Ephesian Diana or the painting of the Mona Lisa, but God know better than I. The husband who is said to "rule" over his wife, is the same husband who is commanded over and over again in Eph. 5 to compassion- ately cherish her. A ruler-husband who compassionately cherishes his wife? Big words, but what do they mean? They mean that when he "rules over" his wife he-------- 1. Meekly (Spiritually controlling his superior strength so as to be gentle) chersihes her without envy or jealousy.>9 2. Patiently bears ill treatment from her. 3. Is kind and gentle to her. 4. Mellows that which would be harsh or austere for her. 5. Does not brag or show off with her. He is not haughty to her. 6. Does not act unbecomingly with her, free of arrogance or bad manners. 7. Is unselfish and selfless with her, not insisting on his own personal rights or way. 8. Does not become touchy, resentful, irritated, provoked, exasperated, angry with her. 9. Does not take into account any evil she may do to him, holding no grudges. 10. Does not take pleasure or delight in her evil or what is evil for her. 11. Rejoices with her in the truth. 12. Endures all her things. 13. Optimistically believes her and in her. 14. Hopes for the best for and in her. 15. Courageously bears up under all her trying ways. 16. Is committed to let Christ's Love in him for her never fail. 17. Intelligently and wisely conducts his home life with her. 18. Holds her in particular honor, considerately showing all due respect. 19. Renders to her what Christ says is due her, recognizing her sexual authority over his body, not denying her intimate marital affection.>9 THIS MAKES A GREAT CHECK LIST FOR SELF EVALUATION. Examining yourself in the light of this check off list and making the necessary corrections might save you a great deal of grief (1Corinth. 11:28-32) [Footnote: >9. See Wuest's Expanded New Testament and the Amplified Bible for 1 Cor.7, 13; Ephes. 5; Luke 22:25,26,27 and 1 Peter3:7] Such a ruler would be welcome in any sane and god-fearing realm, with great enthusiasm by the subjects. If the husband is like this to the wife, then the wife would be encourage to behave similarly to her children, and then the children would be encouraged to behave similarly to each other ------ and the world would be a better place. Of course any saint knowledgable in the Word knows that it is impossible for us to generate this behavior on our own. As we reckon our selves indeed to be dead to sin/evil, we yield our minds and bodies to Him and trust Him to work His will in us by His Holy Spirit, inspiring and enabling us to yield ourselves to Him so He can rule and live that way in us (Romans 6; Phil.2:12,13; 4:13; Heb. 13:290,21). The husband "rule" over the wife?!?! "How primitive and barbaric!" But didn't God say to the woman " your desire shall be to your husband, and he shall rule over you"? "That's just the Old Testament! It's irrelevant and out of date, besides being primitive and barbaric!" -------- Well what does God say about people who feel that way? 1 CORINTH. 14:34 " Your wives should keep silent in the assemblies, because they are not permitted to be speakers; but they are to bring themselves into submission, as the Law also says. 35.And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for wives to be speakers in the assembly. . . .37. If anyone thinks to be a prophet, or a spiritual one, let him recognize the things I write to you, that they are a commandment of the Lord. 38 But if any is ignorant, let him be ignorant.² MKJV 1 THESS. 4: 8 ³Therefore he who despises does not despise man, but God, who also has given us His Holy Spirit.² MKJV ACTS 7:51 ¶ ³O stiff-necked and uncircumcised in heart and ears! You always resist the Holy Spirit. As your fathers [did], so you do.² MKJV ROMANS 9: 19 ³You will then say to me, Why does He yet find fault? For who has resisted His will? 20 No, but, O man, who are you who replies against God? Shall the thing formed say to Him who formed [it], Why have you made me this way? 21 Does not the potter have power over the clay, from the same lump to make one vessel to honor and another to dishonor?² MKJV 2 TIMOTHY 3: 8 ³But as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so these also resist the truth, men of corrupt mind, reprobate concerning the faith. 9 But they shall proceed no further. For their foolishness shall be plain to all, as theirs also became². The husband should not lord it over (exercise lordship) or tyrannize/suppress the wife, according to the following: MKJV 1 PETER 5: 5 ¶ ³Likewise, younger ones, be subject to older ones, and all being subject to one another. Put on humility. For God resists proud ones, but He gives grace to the humble. 6 Therefore be humbled under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you in due time . . .² MKJV LUKE 22: 25 ³And He said to them, The kings of the nations exercise lordship over them. And they who exercise authority on them are called benefactors. 26 But you [shall] not [be] so: but the greater among you, let him be as the lesser, and he who governs, as [one] who serves.² 1 TIM. 2: 9¶ In the same way also, I desire that wives adorn themselves in decent clothing, with modesty and sensible- ness, not [adorned] with braiding, or gold, or pearls, or costly clothing, 10* but with good works, which becomes wives professing godliness. 11* Let the wife learn in silence with all subjection. 12* But I do not allow a wife to teach, or to exercise authority [over] a husband, but to be in silence. AND 1 CORINTH. 14:34 Have your wives keep silence >a in the churches, for it is not permitted to them to speak >b , but [they are commanded]to be subjecting >c themselves , as also says the Law. 35. And if they will learn anything, have them ask their husbands at home, for it is a shame for wives to speak in the church. [Footnote: See the Greek for this interpretation: wife and woman is the same Greek word, man and husband is the same Greek word, it is the context that shows what the word means. >a See l Cor. 14:28,30; Acts 12:17; 15:12 for the Greek usage. >b See 1 Cor. 14:27,28,29; Eph. 5:19; Acts 26:26; John 8:44; 9:21. >c See Arndt & Gingrich and Thayer Lexicons] A wife should not obey her husband if and when he tells her to do something that is contrary to the explicit, plain and uncontested Word of God. By "explicit, plain, and uncontested" I mean that the majority of fundamental, orthodox, evangelical and traditional Christian Bible teachers/preachers/ authors agree on the meaning of that portion of scripture, e.g. "Honor your parents!". I don't mean those portions of scripture that are characterized by parables, allegories or symbolism where you find so much disagreement. I mean that if her husband tells her to steal, lie, fornicate or blaspheme, she knows that such conduct is contrary to the will of God for her so she doesn't obey him. On what grounds? Throughout the Bible God makes it plain that we are to obey our parents and the ssocial/civil authorities over us>^. God makes it very plain that if our parents or the social/civil authorities over us tell us to disobey the clear and explicit will of God, we must disobey>* them in order to obey God. This is true of the state over the citizen, parents over children, and husbands over wives. If the one occupying your culture's place of authority over you tells you to do that which is contrary to the clear, explicit and plain Word of God, then you must disobey the one in authority in order to obey God. So the husband who tells his wife not to go to church, pray or read her Bible----- that husband has to be disobeyed, with all due respect, humility, grace and amiability and without preaching, teaching or lecturing>``. [Footnote: >^=(Romans 13; Heb. 13:7,21 etc.). >*Ezek. 20:17,18; Daniel 3:13-18; 5:21; 6:7-11; Deut. 1:13-18; 17:8- 13; Acts 4:15-21; 5:20,29,40,42; 23:5. >`` (Luke 6:27-36; Galat. 6:1; 2Tim.2:24-26 and 1 Peter 3:1-6). The husband exercises his authority as "head" of the wife by humbly teaching>119 her what she should do/say and by being a good example of how she should act/speak >120 . THE HUSBAND HAS NO RIGHT TO MAKE HIS WIFE DO WHAT HE WANTS HER TO DO AND HE HAS NO SCRIPTURAL RIGHT TO BOSS OR ORDER HER ABOUT>121 . If his wife resists his lead and authority, or just rebels outright, he can compassionately but firmly admonish and rebuke her humbly and gently according to the following: [Footnote: >119 2 Tim. 2:24-26. >120 (Hebrews 13:7, 17,). >121 (Luke 22:25,26;1 Peter 5:5).] MKJV GALATIANs 6: 1 ¶ ³Brothers, if a man is overtaken in a fault, you the spiritual ones restore such a one in the spirit of meekness, considering yourself, lest you also be tempted. 2 Bear one another's burdens, and so you will fulfill the law of Christ.² MKJV 2 TIMOTHY 2:24 ³But the servant of [the] Lord must not strive, but to be gentle to all, apt to teach, patient, 25 in meekness instructing those who oppose, if perhaps God will give them repentance to the acknowledging of [the] truth, 26 and [that] they awake out of the snare of the Devil, having been taken captive by him, so as to do the will of that one.² MKJV LUKE 17: 3 ³Take heed to yourselves. If your brother trespasses against you, rebuke him. And if he repents, forgive him. 4 And if he trespasses against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turns again to you, saying, I repent, you shall forgive him.² MKJV MATTHEW 18: 15 ¶ ³But if your brother shall trespass against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear [you], take one or two more with you, so that in [the] mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell [it] to the church. But if he neglects to hear the church, let him be to you as a heathen and a tax-collector.² MKJV 1 CORINTH. 5: 3 ³For as being absent in body but present in spirit, I indeed have judged already [as though I were] present [concerning] him who worked out this thing; 4 in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when you are gathered together, with my spirit; also, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ; 5 to deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus. 8 Therefore let us keep [the] feast; not with old leaven, nor with the leaven of malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened [bread] of sincerity and truth. . . 11 But now I have written to you not to associate intimately, if any man called a brother [and is] either . . . or an idolater, or a reviler, . . . with such a one not to eat.² After having done all of the above, when his wife is uncooperative or rebellious, he has to leave the results to the Lord/Spirit even if she is difficult and defiant. THE HUSBAND HAS NO RIGHT OR AUTHORITY FROM GOD TO FORCE, COERCE OR INTIMIDATE HIS WIFE IN ORDER TO MAKE HER GIVE IN UNWILLINGLY AND DO WHAT HE WANTS HER TO DO>122 His business and duty is to compassionately cherish her, earnestly pray for her, and invoke church discipline when necessary to resolve a crisis. [Footnote: >122 (Luke 22:25,26;1 Peter 5:5; Eph. 6:9; Col. 4:1)] When her husband is verbally or physically abusive, dictatorial, tyrannical, unkind, harsh and/or wicked, the Godly wife FIRST>^ should fast and pray for her husband who spitefully abuses her, do good to her husband who hates her, bless him when he curses her>^, humbly and meekly tell him privately what he is doing that offends and grieves her>`,flee for her life as she offers her cheek (from a safe distance) to the dog-husband who strikes her>*; and SECONDLY get her local fellowship group to do Matt. 18:15-20 and/or 1Cor.5:5- 14. Then she has to leave the results to the Lord/Spirit if he is difficult and defiant. Her business and duty is to compassionately cherish him and show respect to him even if he has failed the Matt. 18 test and she now relates to him as to an unsaved person>§. [Footnote: >^ Luke 6:27-42. >` Matt.18:15-18;Gal.6:1; 2Tim.2:24-28. >*Matt. 10:23; 1Cor.7:10,11; Prov.1:10-19; Prv. 2:10-22. >§ Eph.5:22-34; Matt.18:17] What a shame most women have no idea of what the average male's testosterone sex drive does to him. Granted about half of males have low mid-range to low testosterone levels as well as nocturnal emission, so they have little or no problem turning off or on their sex lives. The low testosterone level males may have a great deal of difficulty turning on their sex lives. Women have no idea that the sex drive in that half of the male who have mid to high testosterone levels in their blood is as strong and compelling as the hunger drive when the stomach is growling and cramping for lack of food; or as the thirst drive when the tongue, throat and mouth are so dry it is even difficult to talk; as the rest drive when it is impossible to keep the eyes open or the body erect due to utter exhausion. These same women would not normally ignore such hunger/thirst signs, nor say that they would take cold showers and exercise to overcome such hunger/ thirst signs. If they chose to fast, go without food and drink, by the second day they would be too weak to do their daily work and chores, and by the third day they would be too weak walk far or stand for long periods of time. As one who has fasted and prayed three days without food or drink, I know. Yet they fault the mid to high testosterone blood level male for not being able to ignore his compelling sex drive and do without. When the men who are not blessed with natural nocturnal emission (wet dreams) have gone without sexual release for several days, the prostrate becomes so congested that it begins to squeeze shut the uretha so they cannot urinate normally and the effect on the brain is that those males are so distracted and distractable, especially by anything female, that quite literAlly their minds could be said to be weakened in that it is very difficult to concentrate or focus on necessary tasks. If women could think of their nasal sinuses being so congested that they cannot breath, or of the problems with urination that a woman has with urination when 8 or 9 months pregnant, then maybe they could understand the problems prostrate congestion can cause. Without release, ejaculation, they could become so distracted and distractable by anything that, as with too much alcohol, their judment and thinking is impaired and foolish (risky), dangerous (AIDS,HIV) or irrational behaviour results. To help his wife or daughter understand the effect of testosterone on a male in relationship with his woman whom he loves and desires passionately, a man might do the following. (1) Take his lady out to eat her favorite meal. Order the meal, talking it up to maximize her anticipation and desire for it (2). When the meal is served, ask her take a minute to look carefully at each item (how it is arranged, how it appears). Ask her to smell each item. Ask her to take one fork/spoon serving of each item and eat it, one at a time. Ask her if she is pleased and still wants it (3). If she replies that she is ready and eager to eat and wants no more delay, then gently, sweetly, carefully ask/beg/entreat her to trust you in what you are about to do and that she go along with what you are about to do. If she will cooperate, ask the waiter/waitress to doggy bag the meal(4). She will probably need a lot of reassurance at this point, so tell her that if she will go along with you it will significantly improve her marriage. Hopefully she will believe you, reluctantly. Ask her to carry the bagged food in the car on her lap, or on the floor at her feet. Turn on the heater of your car with a little floor heat so the smell of the food will rise to her face(5). When you get home, ask her to carry it and put it in the refrigerator (6). She will probably need more encouragement to do this. Ask/beg/entreat her to trust you and cooperate. Ask her if she likes the way that the evening has gone so far. Ask her how she feels about her favorite meal, cooling off in the refrigerator. Sit her down and gently, compassionately and wisely explain to her what follows next. The ³favorite meal² to him is HER (1). He approaches, anticipates, and awaits her with eager expectation(2). Tell her that everytime he sees, smells, hears, touches and/or tastes her lips/skin, it is what she felt above (3). Explain that the bagging of the food in front of her (4) is what he feels when she says to him ³Honey! Not tonight.², ³I have a headache and I just don¹t feel like it right now.², ³All you think of is sex! Chill out baby! Not tonight!², ³What have you done lately to deserve it, baby?². Explain to her that the carrying of the pleasantly aromatic food home on her lap in the car is like when he is near her but can¹t feast on her, can¹t fully enjoy her(5). Explain that her putting the nice warm and delicious food in the refrigerator is what he experiences when he has to go to bed or part from her without having had the honor, the privilege, the delightful pleasure, the soul fulfilling experience of feasting on her and her many delectables (6). Explain patiently and gently and that for him his sexual drive is an appetite, and his appetite is for her - his favorite feast. Explain that to be near her is like ordering and receiving his favorite meal, her. Explain that when he is denied his compelling hunger and thirst for her, it is painful and hard to bear. Explain that it is a soul wrenching experience. Explain that he NEEDS he even more than he WANTS her. Appeal to her experience with the deferred meal to understand how frustrating and emotionally troubling it is to be denied her. If nothing else, lay the Word on her----how it is the will of God for her to feed the hungry, and seeing his need and her ability to meet it -- pray that she will be moved with compassion and meet his need. And explain that his responsibility is to receive the wonderful and gracious gift that she is and has, is to gently and kindly and thoughtfully enjoy her---seeking to give her as much pleasure as possible. If he doesn¹t do that, then he is the swine that had pearls thrown before him, the fool who has no idea of the value of his precious possession and hides it away from all, even from himself. If the smile and expressions of delight on her face and the utterances of fulfillment and ecstasy on her lips are not as important to him as his hunger for and need of her, then he is unworthy of her. Perhaps such an unworthy one could show genuine repentance (2Cor7) and humble himself under the mighty hand of His God and under the authority He has given his wife over his body, and become a learner of how to please and delight his woman. A man who acts like Nabal with his wife, will surely face the fate of a Nabal. As a male with mid to high testosterone and no nocturnal emission when I was in high school, my Urologist (Vital Haynes,MD), told me I had a few options to prevent my recurring prostrate congestion. He said that I, at age 17, could either get married and be intimate frequently, be promiscuous frequently, self-stimulate quite frequently, become homosexual (the penis in the anus squeezes the seminal fluid out of the prostrate), or come into his office two to three times a week for him to massage/press the seminal fluid out of my prostrate (too expensive and embarassing). Cold showers, exercise and being spiritual just did not empty the prostrate so I could urinate normally and have my mind clear of testosterone distractions. For the mid to high testosterone male, sexual release is just as much as physical need as food, drink, and sleep. The question such men have to deal with is, "How can I have the testosterone release I need so I can take care of daily business and be acceptable to Jesus?" The obvious answer is marriage (1 Cor. 7:1,2,5,9) with a wife who understands his sexual needs and is committed to ministering to him in his need in Christ, and as unto Christ (Matt. 25:34,35,36), so that his physical need of the release/ejaculation can be met and they can get on with their lives. The closest the female comes to this experience is in her PMS where her mind is bombarded with hormones etc. making many to be quite distracted and temporarily not their normal selves. It is extremely difficult for a woman to understand that testosterone can make a godly man REALLY NEED (not just want) the physical marital love making of a godly wife to meet this need, to keep him from being tempted to find release with some female predator staked out at the testosterone watering hole, to keep him from thinking irrationally and foolishly, and to help him keep himself from doing foolish and life-threatening things to find release. It is not just a matter of the will and the mind, just like the physical needs for food, drink and sleep. It is the wise man who is very good and attentive to the person who has what he needs, and needs to be encouraged to give it to him. THE SONG OF SOLOMON >>The Shulamite "He should kiss me with the kisses of his mouth---- for your loving is better than wine! . . . . I am BLACK [AS A RAVEN], but lovely . . . because the sun has looked upon me. . . ." >>The Shulamite "He should kiss me with the kisses of his mouth---- for your loving is better than wine! . . . . I am black [as a raven], but lovely . . . because the sun has looked upon me. . . ." >>Solomon Behold, you are fair, my beloved companion! Behold, you are fair! You have dove's eyes. >>The Shulamite Behold, you are handsome, my beloved! Yes, pleasant! . . . . His left hand is under my head, And his right hand embraces me. . . . >>Solomon How fair is your loving, My sister, my spouse! How much better than wine is your loving, And the fragrance of your perfumes Than all spices! Your lips, O my spouse, Drip as the honeycomb; Honey and milk are under your tongue; And the fragrance of your garments Is like the fragrance of Lebanon. A garden enclosed Is my sister, my spouse, . . . . >>The Shulamite My beloved should come to his garden And eat its pleasant fruits. >>Solomon I have come to my garden, my sister, my spouse . . . >> The Shulamite My beloved is WHITE AND RUDDY, Chief among ten thousand. His head is like the fines gold; His locks wavy, And BLACK AS A RAVEN. . . . >>Solomon How fair and how pleasant you are, O love, with your delights! This stature of yours is like a palm tree And your breasts like its clusters. I said 'I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of its branches.' Your breasts should be like clusters of the vine, The fragrance of your breath like apples, And the roof of your mouth like the best wine. >>The Shulamite I am my beloved's And his desire is toward me. Come, my beloved, We should get up early to the vineyards; There I will give you my loving. . . . His left hand is under my head, And his right hand embraces me. . . [Beloved], set me as a seal upon your heart, As a seal upon your arm; For love is as strong as death, . . . . Many waters cannot quench love, Nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give for love All the wealth of his house, It would be utterly despised. . . . I am a wall, And my breasts like towers; Then I became in his eyes As one who found peace. . . " Song of Solomon "Your fountain should be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, her breasts should satisfy you at all times; and always be intoxicated-orgasmic-enraptured with her loving. Proverbs 5:18,19 "Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart; For God has already accepted your works. Let your garments always be white, and let your head lack no oil. All the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun live joyfully with the wife whom you love, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun." Ecclesiastes 9:7,8,9 "Wives, submit [yourselves] to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church . . . Husbands, compassionately cherish your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it . . . each one of you in particular should so compassionately cherish his own wife as h imself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."Ephesians 5:22-33 WHAT DO YOU THINK? THE FEEDING OF TWO LEGGED OXEN. I am not trying to meddle or cause trouble. I just want to know if there are any mistakes in the ideas above in terms of scripture alone, not in terms of the condemned traditions and doctrines of people (Mark 7).I really want to know what the Bible says about the subjects discussed above. I want to live by every Word of God, not by the commandments and traditions of man (Mat. 15, Mark 7 and Colos 2). PLEASE ADVISE ME OF ANY AND ALL ERRORS (TYPOS, DOCTRINAL, ETC.) THAT YOU FIND. PLEASE GIVE ME CLEAR AND EXPLICIT SCRIPTURES DEALING WITH THE ERROR WHEN YOU WRITE. I WANT THE WORD, NOT OPINIONS AND PARADIGMS. Any and all donations are welcomed for the furthering and the expense of this very controversial ministry. Donations are welcome for the furthering of this ministry. It has taken a great deal of time. If the information in this work has ministered to you, I would appreciate your ministry to me to get this information out and to the Church. Otherwise I have to "make tents". If I time from "making tents" permits, this work will be revised monthly. In the next publication/distribution I hope to provide the actual texts for all references. Ro 15:27 Truly it has pleased them, and they are their debtors. For if the nations have been made partakers of their spiritual things, their duty is also to minister to them in carnal things. 1 Cor. 9:9 For it is written in the law of Moses, "You shall not muzzle the mouth of the ox treading out grain." Does God take care for oxen? 10 Or does He say [it] altogether for our sakes? It was written for us, so that he who plows should plow [in] hope, and so that he who threshes [in] hope should be partaker of his hope. 11 If we have sown to you spiritual things, [is it] a great thing if we shall reap your carnal things? 12 If others have a share of [this] authority [over] you, rather [should] not we? But we have not used this authority, but we endured all things lest we should hinder the gospel of Christ. 13 Do you not know that those who minister about holy things live [of the things] of the temple? And those attending the altar are partakers with the altar. 14 Even so, the Lord ordained those announcing the gospel to live from the gospel.Galatians 6:6 But let him who is taught in the Word share with the [one] teaching in all good things. 1Ti 5:17 Let the elders who rule well be counted worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in word and doctrine. 18 For the Scripture says, "You shall not muzzle the ox treading out grain," and, "The laborer [is] worthy of his reward." TYLER,P.O.Box 620763, San Diego, CA 92162-0763 AS THE LORD LEADS. These files are designed for (1) those who want to learn how to unselfishly and compassionately cherish their women; (2) those who have experienced divorce,to any degree, and are looking for Godly and Biblical Judeo-Christian solutions and guidance on how to see God redeem the experience; (3) those who are in, or considering, polygynous relationships; (4) those who came to the Lord as concubines and want to understand godly and Christian concubinage; (5) those Black and minority believers who want reassurance that indeed their color, their race, their nationality and/or their appearance -- has no significant impact or affect on their relationship with the incarnated, crucified, risen and soon to return Lord Jesus Christ, the Messiah of Israel; (6) those who wish a deeper understanding of God's will for and in their sexuality and any problems they might be having with their sexuality; and for (7) those who want more insight in joining Jesus and His angels in their warfare against the evil spiritual beings who are causing problems for mankind, including our loved ones. The following files are available as described below. Please request any that seem interesting or of use to you. All constructive and informative comments are welcome. >>1. HUSBAND RULE OVER THE WIFE? WHICH CAVE DID YOU CRAWL OUT OF? Servant-leaders don't rule, but gently and peacefully teach, exhort, model, encourage, compassionately rebuke and cherish their wives unselfishly and compassionately. ["husbandwiferelations.txt"] >>2. INFORMAL MARRIAGE and COMMON LAW MARRIAGE. WHAT MAKES A Mariage/WEDDING? [as "commonlaw.informal.marriage"] >>3.INTERRACIAL,INTERETHNIC MARRIAGES AND RELATIONSHIPS IN JESUS. Race and ethnicity have no place signicantly influencing human interpersonal relationships, in the Church, in society, in marriage. [ as "interracial=ethnic marriage"] >>4. JESUS, IS HE GOD, JEHOVAH, THE SON OF GOD, THE SON OF MAN, THE ONLY WAY TO GOD? Jesus and the Trinity.[Available only by emial] >>5. OATHS, FORMAL SWEARINGS, SOLEMN PROMISES, COVENANTS AND JESUSMat. 5:33-37 (swear not all) and James 4:13-17 with James 5:12 (do not swear), what do these passages mean. [as "keepingOne'sWord.txt"] >>6. THE POWER FOR GOOD OF FEMININE BEAUTY AND MALE HANDSOMENESS. We are stewards of these socially significant gifts. See also Man's Need of Woman. [as "feml.power.poly"] >>7. RACISIM, ETHNOCENTRISM, NATIONALISM VS JESUS Jesus vs racism, prejudice, bias, discrimination, favoritism, bigotry . [as "racism.nationalism"] >>8. UNDERAGE BURNING--THE FINANCIALLY DEPENDENT WHO ARE NOT SUCCESSFULLY CONTROLLING THEMSELVES SEXUALLY What do I do if I am underage, too young to marry and a financially dependent youth and I keep on blowing it sexually, letting Jesus and myself down by not consistently controlling myself sexually? [Available only by email] >>9. UNEQUAL YOKE??? Do i look like a farmer?? So why shouldn't I marry this unbelieving/unsaved person, or this person who claims to be saved but has a sin problem???? [Available by email or by ftp as an appendix of a large file} >>10. Why the Christian Woman Has Only One Husband? If men practice polygyny, why shouldn't women practice polyandry? What does the Bible say? [as "polyandry"] >>11. WHEN DO I HAVE TO MARRY, IN JESUS, AND WITH WHOM? An in depth look at 1 Corinthians 7:9,36; 1 Timothy 5:14ff; and 1 Thessalonians 4:1-10, and the command to marry when burning. [as "WhenToMarry",] >>12. Angels,Demons, Spirits and You Today. [as "YouAndAngels"] >>13. Biblical Morality, Pornography, Sex etc. 118k A cross cultural point of view from a Christian anthropogist. [ as "BiblicalPolyM orality"] >>14. The Black Family Crisis, and the Plight of the Black Female. 40 % of Black women NEVER MARRY. Of the 60 % that do, 30% end in divorce and usually don't remarry successfully. The number of marriageable Black women greatly exceeds the number of marriageable Black men. Does the Bible deal with this? [as "PlightOfBlkFem_Fam" (newer), or as "BlackFamPoly" (older),] >>15. The Tithe and the Christian. Should we, and why? An indepth Bible study. [Available by email only] >>16. A Manual of Marital Intimacy for My Daughters. Want to help me ? [Available by email only] >>17. Why Do The Godly/Good Suffer? Does it pay to be "good"? Why do the "good" suffer so much, so often? [ as "LetterToFriend" ] >>18. Divorce/Abandonment, How Can a Follower of Christ Survive It? You love Jesus, but you find yourself divorced or abandonned and you want to be married happily in the Lord, what can you do? [ as "HowSurviveDivorce" (newer); or "poly.and.divorce" (older)] >>19. Keeping one's word. Vows, promises, covenants, oaths etc. even when it hurts and costs dearly. [ as "KeepingOne'sWord".] >>20. Matchmaker Resources for those seeking marriage. >>21. Cherish Your Women, Part 1 Gleanings from Genesis on how to compassionately cherish your women with a self-evaluation check off list. >>22. Should prisoners be denied wholesome godly marital sex? ["prisoner.abuse] >>23. Mini.poly: A condensed look at polygyny in the scriputes, especially the Old Testament. >>24. Quotes on Polygyny by St. Augustine and Biblical Scholars ["ChristianPoly". ] >>25.DIVORCE, REMARRIAGE, CONCUBINES, JESUS AND GENUINE BELIEVERS ["DivorceRemarriageConcubines"] >>26. POLYGYNOUS CHRISTIANS AND CHRITIAN CONCUBINES ["PolygamyConcubines" (newer), or as "polygyny.concubines" (older)] >>27. Why Would the Christian Woman Share Her Husband? ["why.wife.share.husband" (newer), or as "poly.western.woman" (older)] >>28. What are the Christian leaders' objections to polygyny? Please see some of the main pro's and the con's in this file ["objections2poly"] >>29. No Wedding Vows! A file offering scriptural reasons for using covenants rather than vows in one's wedding. ["noweddingvows"] >>30. Is polygyny a Christian option? A discussion of polygyny in the New Testament and in the Protestant reformation. ["christianpolytoday"] >>31. What are the "keys" to living together in Loving unity? Gleanings from Amy Carmichael and the Bible on what it takes for a family or fellowship to realize this miracle. ["keys2lovingunity" for Christian polygynists, "keys4LovingUnity for Christian monogynists] >>32. MY LOVE IS A GARDEN OF DELIGHTS! aka SongOfSolomonPt1.txt, a 301k commentary on the Song of Solomon, interracial marriage (his black-as-a-raven wife), and Christian polygyny and concubines. >>33. Prayers of Spiritual warfare for those who want to join the fight for the souls of their loved ones. These are the prayers of the Bible, inspired prayers of God's servants, adapted to the needs and spiritual warfare you encounter as a servant of Christ in your service to your loved ones and to Christ today. [Prayers4LovedOnes] >>34. Legal Christian Polygamy. How do Christians who are called to Christ in polygyny, or are called to polygyny in Christ, walk in a world that condemns polygyny? >>35. Man's Need of Woman. What every man with high testosterone blood levels wishes his wife understood. The wife's help meet ministry to her husband, oR OH GOD! I NEED HER SOOOOO MUCH! If you want any of these files, Etext Archives : URL: http://www.etext.org Location : /pub/Religious.texts/polyamory or ftp: "gopher.etext.org" Name: "ftp" Password: your email address Location: /pub/Religious.texts/polyamory If you have any problems with the URL or the ftp, contact ftp@etext.org or Rita@etext.org. or L. Tyler, P.O.Box 620763, San Diego, CA 92162-0763 or L. Tyler P.O. Box 734, El Centro,CA 92244 OTHER RESOURCES http://home.sn.no/~cwarren Use WebCrawler etc. to find "Christian Polygamy" on the Webb. http://pages.prodigy.com/polyg/seminary.htm This website on polygamy is found at http://pages.prodigy.com/polyg/index.htm This website is located at http://www.netcom.com/~polyg/index.html Use your ftp gopher for :gopher.etext.org/Religious/Polyamory http://www.netcom.com/%7Epolyg/index.html http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/Hezekiah/Biblpoly.ht m http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/Hezekiah/Poly- pos.htm http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/Hezekiah/Polylink.ht m You may find John/Ian Seminary webpage at http://pages.prodigy.com/polyg/seminary.htm This website on polygamy is found at http://pages.prodigy.com/polyg/index.htm This website is located at http://www.netcom.com/~polyg/index.html http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/Hezekiah/polyga my.html http://www.netcom.com/~polyg/index.html http://bfree.org email: cwarren@sn.no (Christopher C. Warren) ht@bfree.org and bfree@bfree.org ( S. John Butt) polyg@ix.netcom.com (John Ben David, M.Div.) 101733.613@compuserve.com or Hezekiah@compuserve.com (Sam Chapman)